CJ Voice Over: \"Previously on Stargate SG-1:\"
We scenes from The Other Guys:
1. FELGER: (to Coombs and the another scientist) \"They are so cool! Savor the
moment, gentlemen. Savor the moment.\"
2. During the fire fight on the planet, Felger is watching with Coombs from a
distance.
FELGER: \"Oh, they're in trouble...\"
3. FELGER: (again, to Coombs) \"What would Colonel O'Neill do if he was here now?\"
COOMBS: \"You want me to shoot you?\"
4. The scene where Felger and Coombs ring onto the Goa'uld ship and Coombs hits
the deck as Felger covers his eyes and starts shooting.
5. The scene where Felger pulls off the panel to the \"brig\":
FELGER: \"We're here to rescue you.\"
O'NEILL: \"We allowed ourselves to be captured...on purpose!\"
6. The scene where Felger is wearing a Jaffa costume:
FELGER: \"This is great. You know, sneaking around with you guys in a Goa'uld
pyramid on some alien planet. The only thing missing is some Jaffa chasing us...\"
7. The scene where everyone is running through the Stargate to Earth with Jaffa
chasing and shooting.
8. The dream sequence at the end where Sam kisses Felger after he receives his
award:
COOMBS: \"Felger...Jay?\"
FELGER: (after being poked on the cheek by Coombs) \"Oh...what? What?\"
COOMBS: \"Snap out of it.\"
FELGER: \"Yes, sorry.\"
COOMBS: \"Calibration scales? The ring power source?\"
FELGER: \"Right there. Right...there.\"
Scene: SGC - Felger's Lab
Jay Felger and his assistant Chloe are present. Felger is pacing as he awaits Major
Carter's arrival. Chloe is walking around a large beam generator while Jay is looking
expectantly out the door.
FELGER: \"What time is it?\"
CHLOE: \"It's two minutes past the last time you asked me.\"
FELGER: (moving to make last minute adjustments on something closer to Chloe) \"Oh,
she should be here any second.\"
CHLOE: \"Relax, Jay.\"
FELGER: \"Relax? We're on the verge of a major scientific breakthrough. This...this
weapon could be the-the key factor in our fight against the Goa'uld.\"
CHLOE: \"Is it defeating the Goa'uld you're worried about or impressing Major Carter?\"
FELGER: \"Hey...unlike some people in this room, I've seen what the Goa'uld can do,
first hand.\"
CHLOE: (sighs) \"Yes, I know...you've told me a thousand times. You rescued SG-1
from the evil 'Lord What's-His-Name'.\"
FELGER: \"Her'ak. And he wasn't an evil lord. He was a first prime.\"
CHLOE: \"Jay...you're a brilliant scientist. Someday you're going to win the Nobel prize.
What do you care what these military types think of you anyway?\"
FELGER: \"You don't get it. You know, when you've stood side by side with someone
and stared into the face of death, it creates an unspoken bond, an understanding that
transcends simple friendship. Colonel O'Neill and I have been to hell and back
together. When the mission was over, he looked me in the eye and do you know what
he said to me? He said...\"
O'NEILL: (interrupting from behind) \"Is this gonna take long?\"
Jack and Sam come in through the door Felger was watching earlier. He had turned
his back on it and he is now surprised by the two of them.
FELGER: \"Colonel O'Neill...\"
O'NEILL: \"Folger?\"
FELGER: \"Felger...I-I w-wasn't expecting you, sir.\"
O'NEILL: \"Yes...well, Major Carter said this was important.\"
Jack reaches out to touch the end of the beam generator. Felger stops him.
FELGER: \"D-d-d-d-don't touch. Don't touch...don't touch...please. This is a finely
calibrated device. It fires a focused plasma pulse...\" (he imitates the beam complete
with sound as he moves toward the target and then opens his arms wide in front of
the target) \"Boom!\"
He chuckles a little and shakes his head as he walks back to the beam generator. Jack
looks at Sam for an explanation.
CARTER: \"It's an energy-based weapon, sir. It could, potentially, replace the missiles
on the X-303.\"
O'NEILL: (Thinks on that for a minute, then) \"Phaser?\"
CHLOE: \"More like a photon torpedo.\"
FELGER: \"My assistant, Chloe.\" (Then he hands safety glasses to Sam and Jack.) \"There
you are.\"
O'NEILL: (Acknowledging the introduction) \"Chloe...\"
FELGER: \"This is all based on a Goa'uld design...and if you'll join me to the rear of the
weapon...we will proceed with the demonstration.\" (Sam and Jack comply and the four
are soon behind the weapon. Felger picks up two electrical cords and prepared to
plug them into each other.) \"My friends, I present to you...\" (he chuckles) \"...the 22nd
century.\"
He plugs the two cords together. There is a spark at the plug. The weapon lights up
and begins to whine. It sounds like it is overloading. Sparks fly from the weapon. Sam
ducks a little. Chloe ducks more. Then, the lights go out in the lab...and then in a
corridor as people are walking...and then in Hammonds' office as he's typing on his
laptop. Seconds later, the emergency power kicks in. Smoke and sparks are still
coming from the weapon.
FELGER: \"That wasn't supposed to happen.\"
OPENING CREDITS
Scene: SGC - Level 27
Hammond and Felger are walking out of the elevator and Sam is not far behind.
FELGER: \"I know, but I am really, really, really sorry, General and I can assure you that
nothing like this will ever happen again.\"
HAMMOND: \"You're damn right it won't because I'm pulling the plug on your
research.\"
FELGER: \"No-no, no-no-no, please, this was just a minor glitch - minor glitch...I
mean, we are so close to a working prototype...\"
HAMMOND: \"You've been saying that for the last six months. In fact, I've been
reviewing your records. It seems that most of the projects you've overseen during
your tenure here have been similarly long on promise and short on results.\"
FELGER: \"Right...what-what exactly are you saying?\"
HAMMOND: \"I'm saying it may be time for the Air Force to rethink your position here.\"
FELGER: \"Okay, you know...that-that would be a mistake...because, um...I - you know,
it just so happens that-that I'm working on a, uh, a line of research, and it's, uh,
it's...it's, uh, yeah, well, really I'm on the verge of a major break-through, really.\"
HAMMOND: \"Really?\"
FELGER: \"Really, yes, yes...and it's - it's gonna be HUGE! Huge, this thing...and-and
it's gonna make the plasma weapon look like a squirt gun...sir.\"
CARTER: \"What is it?\"
FELGER: \"Hmm?\"
CARTER: \"What is it?\"
FELGER: \"What is it? It's-it's, uh, well, really, you know, I-I'm not ready for a formal
presentation just yet. You know, I still gotta...you know, crunch a few numbers and
dot a few i's and...I could probably have something ready for you by the, uh, en-end
of next week.\"
HAMMOND: \"You have 24 hours.\"
FELGER: \"More than enough time.\"
He starts to leave and then turns back to salute Hammond.
HAMMOND: \"Dismissed.\"
FELGER: Thank you.\"
Back in his lab: Chloe is not happy.
CHLOE: \"What were you thinking?\"
FELGER: \"I don't know! I had to say something. They were going to fire me. Besides,
what's the big deal? All we have to do is think of something that's going to change
the balance of power in the galaxy by noon tomorrow.\"
CHLOE: \"You have anything in mind?\"
FELGER: (looks worried for a second...then smiles) \"As a matter of fact, I
do...Avenger.\"
CHLOE: \"You've got to be kidding.\"
FELGER: \"No, it's perfect!\"
CHLOE: \"It's no where near ready! It's just an idea!\"
FELGER: \"We can make it work...\"
CHLOE: \"Oh, Jay...this is exactly your problem. You try so hard to impress people that
you always bite off more than you can chew.\"
FELGER: \"Okay. Yes, you're right. I have to start setting more realistic goals for
myself.\" (He pauses, she nods.) \"Right after this project. Okay?\"
He sits down at his computer and starts typing.
Later, in a corridor of the SGC, Sam and Felger are walking. She is holding a file.
CARTER: \"A computer virus?\"
FELGER: \"Yeah...see, when you think about it, the-the 'gate network is nothing more
than a bunch of linked computers. I mean, delivering the virus is as simple as dialing
the target 'gate and uploading the program.\"
CARTER: \"The virus would then scramble the DHD's established coordinates.\"
FELGER: \"Yeah, so the symbols no longer correspond with the proper coordinates, you
see?\" (he chuckles) \"It's like rearranging the letters on your keyboard.\"
CARTER: \"Then the target 'gate would be useless.\"
FELGER: \"Yeah, I mean, sure, the Goa'uld have ships, but...you know, they-they still
rely heavily on 'gate travel and that would be a real tactical advantage for us, don't
you think? What do you think?\"
CARTER: (looking at the papers in the file) \"It's interesting...\"
FELGER: \"Really?\"
CARTER: \"But you don't have a finished program.\"
FELGER: (stops walking, Sam continues to walk) \"Uh, well, uh, finished...\" (moves to
catch up with her again) \"...not finished, per se, no. Uh, but I really still have to, you
know, just...\"
CARTER: (interrupting) \"...crunch a few numbers, dot a few i's?\"
FELGER: \"...i's...that's really it. Exactly, yeah.\"
CARTER: \"Well, I'll take a look at it. If it shows promise, I'll...take it to General
Hammond.\"
FELGER: \"Oh, yes! Okay...\"
CARTER: \"Whoa, whoa...don't celebrate just yet. This is far from a done deal.\"
FELGER: \"No, no. Of course not, of course not.\"
Sam continues on her way. Felger waits until she disappears from view, then peeks
his head around the corner. When he's sure she's gone, he turns and pumps his fists.
FELGER: (excited whispers) \"Yes! Yes!\" (Giggles as he walks off screen - then seconds
later appears back on screen, looking around) \"Where am I? How'd she get me here?\"
He walks off screen again.
Scene: SGC - 'Gate Room
The wormhole is active. We see Sam, Jack & Teal'c walk into the room. Jack and Teal'c
are geared up. Sam is not. Hammond is at the base of the ramp waiting for them.
O'NEILL: \"So, you'd rather stay here and geek out some computer program than come
with us, huh?\"
CARTER: \"Don't take it personally, sir. I just think this research shows a lot of
promise.\"
O'NEILL: \"It's Felger...\" (he pronounces this with a soft g sound...)
CARTER: \"He did save our lives, Colonel.\"
O'NEILL: \"Yeah, don't remind me.\"
TEAL'C: \"The ability to disable any 'gate we choose could prove to be a valuable
weapon in our struggle against the Goa'uld.\"
O'NEILL: \"If it works...\"
CARTER: \"That's what I intend to find out.\"
O'NEILL: \"Don't forget your safety glasses.\" (Then turns to several soldiers who have
just entered the room and are moving in behind him.) \"Marines...thanks for joining
us. Let's move out.\"
HAMMOND: \"To be honest, Major, I share come of the Colonel's skepticism.\"
CARTER: \"I know Dr. Felger's record is a little sketchy, sir. But I still think he shows a
lot of potential. All he needs is a little support.\"
Scene: Felger's Motel Room
We see a miniature Stargate scene, complete with model trees, model Stargate and
model soldiers. Then we see Felger looking through a magnifying glass at a figure. He
is painting a detail on the model soldier. Suddenly, he drops the paint brush as he is
startled by a knock at the door. The camera pans back to reveal an unkempt room.
Jay stands up and we see he is in a t-shirt and boxers and socks.
FELGER: \"Just a minute...\"
He goes to the door and peeks through the peep-hole. We see Sam looking at the
door. He jumps back, panicked by his visitor. He starts looking around and tries to
straighten up quickly.
FELGER: \"Ooooh...geez...\"
He stuffs something under a cushion on the couch. Then he grabs a pair of pants off
the couch.
FELGER: \"I'll be-I'll be with you in a second...just, you know, uh, p-putting the dogs
out.\"
He slips the pants over his feet and pulls them up. The only trouble is, he has put
them on backwards. He doesn't let that stop him from opening the door, however.
FELGER: (chuckling) \"Oh...Major Carter...\"
CARTER: \"I was in the neighborhood...This isn't a bad time, is it?\"
Sam walks in wearing jeans and a baby-blue hooded zip-up top.
FELGER: \"Oh, no, no, no...please, come in, come in, come in. Just, uh, you know, just,
uh, really wasn't, uh, expecting anyone.\" (he quickly turns off the TV) \"I'm sorry.\"
CARTER: \"Nice place.\"
FELGER: \"Oh, thank you, thank you. Yes, I was just, uh, having my apartment
fumigated. Can I, uh, can I offer you anything?\"
He picks up a can of soda from his desk (already opened) and a large plastic glass. He
pours some of the soda into the glass.
CARTER: \"No, no, I'm fine.\"
FELGER: \"Oh, alrighty.\" (He sets the cup and soda down and then turns back and
gestures toward the couch.) \"Please, please.\"
Sam starts to take a seat, but then jerks and smiles as she feels something under her
bum. She pulls out two barbie-style dolls. One is a female blond doll dressed in green
fatigues. The other is a male brunette doll, also dressed in green fatigues. Felger
reaches out and takes the dolls from her.
FELGER: \"Uh, what, uh, what uh, what brings you by?\"
CARTER: \"I, uh, I took your proposal to General Hammond.\"
FELGER: \"And?\"
CARTER: \"And he's agreed to give you another chance.\"
FELGER: \"Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. That's great. That's great. Oh, whoo, 'cuz I
thought I was so done for after that little...incident thing there. That was...\"
CARTER: \"Well, there is one condition...\"
FELGER: \"Sure...okay...\" (He raises the soda can up to take a drink.)
CARTER: \"He wants me to work on the project with you.\"
Felger chokes on the soda he is drinking, spilling it all over his face.
FELGER: (Still choking and dabbing at his face with a napkin) \"That'd be, uh, you?\"
CARTER: \"Yeah, that's not a problem, is it?\"
FELGER: \"No, no, no...God, no, no. What about SG-1?\"
CARTER: \"Well, Daniel's working on a relocation project...P3L-997...\"
FELGER: \"The moon in the decaying orbit?\"
CARTER: \"They're experiencing some severe seismic disturbances and some weather
anomalies.\"
FELGER: \"Mmm, mmm...and then, what about, you know, Colonel O'Neill? Teal'c?\"
CARTER: \"Uh, they have a series of negotiations with the rebel Jaffa leaders. There's
been some infighting, some old rivalries cropping up.\"
FELGER: \"Well, they have to settle that... yeah, yeah, yeah...I guess that means you get
stuck with me, then.\"
CARTER: \"No, no, I wouldn't put it that way. I think the basic idea behind the virus is,
actually, quite brilliant.\"
FELGER: \"No...\" (giggles and then stops) \"Really?\"
CARTER: \"Yeah.\"
Felger giggles some more.
Scene: SGC - Felger's Lab
Felger is looking at his reflection in a glass cupboard, trying to tie a tie. Chloe walks
in.
CHLOE: \"A tie?\"
FELGER: \"I wear ties.\"
CHLOE: \"And cologne?\"
FELGER: \"You know, there is nothing wrong with a man taking pride in his
appearance...and smell.\"
CHLOE: \"This wouldn't have anything to do with Major Carter coming to work with us,
would it?\"
FELGER: (still futzing with his tie) \"Don't be ridiculous.\"
CHLOE: \"Here...let me.\"
FELGER: \"Thanks.\" (Chloe starts tying his tie for him.) \"Of course, though, you know,
you do have to admit, she possesses one of the most...brilliant scientific minds of our
generation...and a pair of legs that won't quit.\" (Chloe tightens the tie.) \"Okay, okay.\"
CHLOE: \"Sorry.\"
FELGER: \"Well, anyway, what chance has a guy like me got with a woman like that? She
barely notices I'm alive. You know what that's like?\"
CHLOE: \"A little.\"
Sam walks in.
CARTER: \"Morning.\"
FELGER: \"Oh, hi...hi.\"
CARTER: \"Nice...tie.\"
FELGER: \"Oh, thanks.
Sam puts her lap top case up on the counter and unzips it. Felger is hovering just
over her right shoulder. Sam looks up at him and smiles. Then we hear music in the
background as we see a montage of scenes:
1. Felger and Chloe typing on different computers in his lab. Sam looking over his
shoulder and then patting it. He looking at where he hand just was, then at her
retreating back side and having a difficult time getting back on task.
2. Sam writing code on a white board. Felger coming in with three donuts on a plate,
bypassing Chloe and heading straight for Sam. Sam turning down the offer and then
Chloe giving him a look when he finally offers one to her. Felger takes the jelly-filled,
powdered on and takes a big bite. Then he points with the hand holding the donut
and drips jelly on the board. He erases code as he tries to clean off the jelly.
3. Felger and Sam watching as Chloe sits at a console. On the monitors we see what
looks like the dialing program. Symbols are locking into place on two separate
screens. We see Chloe smile and turn to look at the other two. They are both smiling
and then Felger, in a spontaneous display hugs Sam and his head ends up right on
her breast for just a second before he realizes what he's done and then he offers her
his hand to shake in stead. Sam and Chloe hug and then Chloe and Felger shake
hands.
Scene: SGC - Hammond's Office
CARTER: \"We think the virus is ready, sir. Of course, other than computer simulations,
there's no real way to test it, except on another 'gate.\"
HAMMOND: \"Do you have a target in mind?\"
CARTER: \"P5S-117...It's one of Ba'al's principal naquadah mining sites. If we could
disable the 'gate, we could seriously disrupt his supply network.\"
HAMMOND: \"How will we know if the test is successful?\"
CARTER: \"There's a Tok'ra operative on the planet who will be able to relay the results
of the test through their sub-space communication network.\"
HAMMOND: \"Send the virus.\"
CARTER: \"Yes, sir.\"
Back in Felger's lab. Chloe is tying away as Felger paces.
CHLOE: \"You're going to wear a hole in the floor.\"
FELGER: \"Those Tok'ra are taking the sweet time, aren't they? Huh? You think we
would've heard something by now.\"
DAVIS: (over the intercom) \"Major Carter to the control room. Repeat, Major Carter to
the control room.\"
FELGER: \"That's it.\"
Felger leaves the lab. We see him get off the elevator on level 28 and side step
personnel as he makes his way to the control room. On the way he passes Siler, who
appears to be having someone (Martin Wood, I believe) take a look at his eye. Jay
walks up the stairs to the control room just as Sam descends another set an meets up
with him.
CARTER: \"Felger, what are you doing here?\"
FELGER: \"What's going on?\"
CARTER: \"Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c must have scheduled contact.\"
DAVIS: \"Getting a video signal, sir.\"
HAMMOND: \"Colonel O'Neill, this is Hammond. Do you read?\"
O'NEILL: (through the MALP transmission) \"Nice to hear from you, General.\"
HAMMOND: \"What's your status, Colonel?\"
O'NEILL: \"Well, the mission was going according to plan. Then we hit a little snag. We
can't dial the 'gate.\"
HAMMOND: \"Say again?\"
O'NEILL: \"We cannot establish an outgoing wormhole. We've tried all kinds of
addresses but...we just can't get a lock.\"
HAMMOND: \"Stand by, Colonel.\"
Hammond and Sam look at Felger.
FELGER: \"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, this is just a coincidence. There's no way
this could have anything to do with my virus. No...could it?\"
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Scene: SGC - Felger's Lab
FELGER: \"Look, I'm telling you, there's no possible way Avenger could have anything
to do with this.\"
HAMMOND: \"Avenger?\"
FELGER: \"That's what I call the virus. You know, it's named after a comic book I read
when I was a kid...The Amazing Avenger? Green tights...purple cape. He was super
strong, super fast. You know, not as fast as the Flash. That would be ridiculous. Of
course, this isn't ringing any bells with anybody, is it?\"
HAMMOND: \"Is there any chance we sent it to the wrong 'gate?\"
CARTER: \"No, sir. We double-checked the coordinates. The viruse was sent
here...P5S-117.\" (She points to a computer monitor that has a star map on it.)
\"Colonel O'Neill is on P3C-249, which is here.\" (She points to a different point on the
map.) \"It is true that, relatively speaking, within the 'gate systems the planets are
close together - about 400 light years - but that doesn't necessarily mean anything.
And until we hear back from the Tok'ra...\"
Just then, the alarms begin sounding.
DAVIS: (Over the intercom) \"Unscheduled off-world activiation.\"
Hammond takes off and Sam has to push Felger out of the way to follow him. Felger
follows her, leaving Chloe alone in the lab again.
DAVIS: \"Sir, we're receiving an audio transmission. It's the Tok'ra.\"
THELESS: (over comms) \"This is Theless of the Tok'ra.\"
HAMMOND: \"This is General Hammond of Stargate Command.\"
THELESS: \"General, I'm afraid I have to report a series of malfunctions within the 'gate
system.\"
HAMMOND: \"Malfunctions?\"
THELESS: \"Several 'gates have gone off-line. As yet, we have no idea why. We are still
in the process of gathering information.\"
CARTER: \"Theless, this is Major Carter. Do you have any information on a planet we've
designated P5S-117?\"
THELESS: \"One moment, please. We are still waiting for a sub-space transmission
from our operative in that system.\"
CARTER: \"Can you send us any data that you do have?\"
THELESS: \"Affirmative.\"
We see one of the computers begin downloading a transmission.
DAVIS: \"Transmission received.\"
Sam leans forward to begin looking over the transmission.
CARTER: \"Sir, I'm going to need a few minutes to analyze this information.\"
HAMMOND: \"Go.\"
Felger crosses his arms and moves closer to Hammond. Hammond looks at him, but
he is staring straight ahead. Then Davis turns to look at him. Jay finally notices the
looks he's getting.
FELGER: \"I'll go help.\"
Back in Felger's lab, Sam, Chloe and Jay are looking at information being printed on
one of the monitors.
CARTER: \"There it is.\"
First we see Sam's finger point at the screen, then Chloe's and then Jay's rather
quickly.
FELGER: \"I still don't see how this is possible.\"
CARTER: \"Automatic correlative updates.\"
CHLOE: \"I thought those were supposed to happen only once every couple of hundred
years.\"
CARTER: \"That was the theory.\"
Hammond walks in.
HAMMOND: \"Major Carter, report.\"
CARTER: \"Sir, first I'd like to recommend that you begin recalling all of our off-world
teams, immediately.\"
HAMMOND: \"It's already being done. The mining team from P4F-221 is coming
through right now.\"
CARTER: \"Well, you might want to tell them to hurry it up, sir.\"
HAMMOND: \"What have you got?\"
Sam leads them to the same computer monitor with the star map they were looking at
earlier.
CARTER: \"This is the original target 'gate. This is Colonel O'Neill's position. These are
the 'gates first reported off-line by the Tok'ra.\" (We see more positions highlighted on
the screen.) \"A few minutes later...several more.\"
HAMMOND: \"They appear to be spreading out from the original 'gate.\"
CARTER: \"Yes, sir.\"
HAMMOND: \"You still think this is a coincidence?\"
CARTER: \"Well, sir, we think we may have an explanation. We know that the 'gate
network has to undergo periodic correlative updates in order to compensate for
stellar drift. Now, we've never witnessed it, but we believe that the 'gates dial each
other automatically to transmit the new coordinates that apply to each address.\"
HAMMOND: \"And you believe Dr. Felger's virus initiated one of these updates?\"
CARTER: \"It may have triggered an automatic internal protocol in the DHD. Before
adapting the new scrambled coordinates, it dialed out and transmitted them to a few
of the neighboring 'gates who then transmitted to a few more and so on and so on...\"
FELGER: \"and so on...yeah.\"
HAMMOND: \"Is there any way we can stop it?\"
CHLOE: \"There's no time, sir. If each 'gate only dials two others before adapting to the
new system, the entire network will be infected in less than two hours.\"
CARTER: \"We need to focus on getting as many people back as possible, sir.\"
Hammond gives a look that could kill and then leaves.
FELGER: \"He's really mad, isn't he?\"
Later in the 'gate room, several SGC personnel step through the 'gate and walk down
the ramp as Sam, Davis and Hammond look on.
DAVIS: \"That's the last of the miners, sir.\"
HAMMOND: \"Shut it down.\" (The 'gate shuts down.) \"What's next?\"
DAVIS: \"P3L-997.\"
CARTER: \"That's Daniel's team, sir.\"
HAMMOND: \"Dial it.\"
Meanwhile, back in Felger's lab, Felger is breathing into a brown paper bag as Chloe
provides words of comfort and rubs his back.
CHLOE: \"Okay, breath. Everything's gonna be fine.\"
FELGER: \"Grover Cleveland High School...\"
CHLOE: \"What?\"
FELGER: \"Chemistry 201...I had an incident with my mid-term lab...they got the fire
under control in about an hour...poor Mr. Hoffman - his eyebrows never grew back. I
should have got out of science right then and there...you know, but this would save
everybody all the trouble...\"
CHLOE: \"This is Stargate Command. You wouldn't be here...\" (Sam walks in and over
hears some of this.) \"...if you weren't very good at what you do.\"
FELGER: \"You tell that to Colonel O'Neill...\"
CARTER: (clear throat)
FELGER: \"How many teams came back?\"
CARTER: \"Three.\"
CHLOE: \"Out of how many?\"
CARTER: \"15. The rest are stranded.\"
FELGER: \"And Dr. Jackson?\"
CARTER: \"His team's still off-world.\"
FELGER: \"Oh...this is awful!\"
CARTER: The flood waters are rising, but they're safe...for the time being.\"
The phone on the wall behind Sam rings. She picks it up.
CARTER: \"Carter. General.\"
FELGER: \"Oh...General...\"
CARTER: \"Yes, sir. I understand.\" (She hangs up.) \"We contacted the Tok'ra. According
to their intelligence...the entire 'gate network is down.\"
Felger returns to breathing in the bag.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Scene: SGC- Control Room
HAMMOND: \"Colonel O'Neill, report.\"
O'NEILL: (over MALP transmission) \"The mission's been compromised, sir. Looks like
one of the Jaffa commanders sold us out. Go figure.\"
Sam and Jay have now entered the control room.
HAMMOND: \"What happened?\"
O'NEILL: \"The negotiations were going just fine...then the 'gate broke down. After
that, they all started accusing each other of sabotage and all hell broke loose.\"
CARTER: \"Sir, we think we know what caused your 'gate to malfunction. It was the
virus.\"
O'NEILL: (moving closer to the MALP camera) \" Felger's virus?!\"
CARTER: \"It created a new coordinate system that then spread to all the DHDs, but,
since we don't have a DHD, we have the only 'gate that can dial out.\"
O'NEILL: (obviously annoyed) \"I told you not to trust that brown-nosing little weasel!\"
FELGER: (through smiling teeth) \"He doesn't know I'm standing here, does he?\"
CARTER: \"Sir, I'm just as responsible as anyone else.\"
Then we hear Teal'c as we see Jack look away from the camera.
TEAL'C: \"O'Neill...\"
O'NEILL: \"We've got incoming, sir! It's Alkesh...\"
Jack dives out of the way as we see two explosions. One of the shots hits the MALP
and the screen goes black. The words \"Signal Lost\" appear on the black screen.
DAVIS: \"We just lost video.\"
CARTER: \"They must have hit the MALP.\"
FELGER: \"He was just standing a few feet from it.\"
HAMMOND: \"Colonel O'Neill, what's your situation? Please respond.\"
For a few tense seconds, there is no response and everyone looks rather worried,
Then...
O'NEILL: (over audio only) \"We're still in one piece, sir.\"
FELGER: (obviously relieved) \"Oh, thank God.\"
O'NEILL: \"We're gonna take cover, sir.\"
CARTER: \"Sir, we still have an outgoing wormhole. We could send reinforcements...\"
HAMMOND: \"They'd be stranded like all the others. I can't send anyone until we fix
this problem.\"
Later, in Felger's lab, Sam, Jay and Chloe are looking at pages of readouts.
CARTER: \"Let's think this through, logically. The entire 'gate network has been
paralyzed, but we can still dial out.\"
FELGER: \"And we're assuming that the virus was spread as a result of the correlative
updates initiated by the DHDs.\"
CHLOE: \"We don't have a DHD, so our 'gate was unaffected.\"
CARTER: \"Right. It also means another change would probably result in another
system-wide update.\"
FELGER: \"So, if we can get just one DHD converted back to the old coordinate system,
the 'gate network would spread it for us.\"
CARTER: \"But how do you convert back to the old system, when the new one is based
on a completely random principal?\"
FELGER: \"There still has to be a pattern. I mean, if we can get one DHD to establish a
lock with a specific 'gate, then all we have to do is compare that old address to the
new address and extrapolate a translation program...yeah...\"
CARTER: \"That would mean random dialing...\"
CHLOE: \"Seven symbols chose from a pool of 38 non-repeating candidates? That's
about 63 billion possible combinations.\"
FELGER: (quietly to Sam) \"She's good with numbers. I was going to get her to do my
taxes.\"
Sam ignores him and clears her throat.
Later, Sam and Hammond are walking together.
CARTER: \"Any word from Colonel O'Neill, sir?\"
HAMMOND: \"No, we've been unable to reestablish contact. We hope he's just out of
range.\"
CARTER: \"Yes, sir.\"
HAMMOND: \"According to our latest intelligence report, it looks like Ba'al is trying to
take advantage of the situation.\"
CARTER: \"How so?\"
HAMMOND: \"At the moment, he has the largest fleet.\"
CARTER: \"With the 'gate system down, whoever has the most ships has the
advantage.\"
HAMMOND: \"He's attacking the other system lords on several fronts. And he's
winning.\"
Back in Felger's lab, Jay is still looking through print outs, when a cell phone starts
ringing. Jay takes the phone out of his pocket, looks at the caller ID and puts the
phone back, unanswered. Then the desk phone in his lab starts ringing. He gets up to
answer it.
FELGER: \"Stargate Command, Felger speaking. Mom, mom, no - no, no...no, I told you
not to call me here. No, you're not even supposed to have this number...I'm sorry I
didn't call, I had to work late, something came up...If you must know, mom, I-I
screwed up again. Yeah, and I think this is the worst one yet. No, no...it-it's worse
than that one.\" (Sam has just walked in the lab, but Felger doesn't see her.) \"No,
worse than that one too, mom. Mom, mom, mom, I don't need a list of my personal
failures right now, okay? I mean, to tell you the truth, mom, I don't even know if I can
fix this one...\" (Sam clears her throat and Jay notices her.) \"I'll have to get back to you
on that then, Simon, okay? Alrighty, then, bye-bye.\" (Then to Sam.) \"A friend, it's
Coombs...he says hi.\"
CARTER: \"Look, Jay...I-I know you feel bad about this.\"
FELGER: (chuckles lightly) \"What's to feel bad about? I mean, it probably took the
ancients a thousand years to build the 'gate system, and I...\" (whistles) \"...wrecked it
in a single day. Not to mention the fact that I've isolated us from all the off-world
resources we're going to need to defend ourselves, leaving us sitting ducks for the
next Goa'uld attack. But who cares?\"
CARTER: \"Look I-I need you to get past feeling guilty and focus on finding a solution.\"
FELGER: \"That's easy for you to say 'cause you never make mistakes.\"
CARTER: \"I don't?\"
FELGER: \"Oh, com on...you're perfect. Everybody knows that.\"
CARTER: \"Jay...I'm not perfect.\"
FELGER: \"See, you have to say that because you're modest...which is just another
aspect of your perfection.\"
CARTER: \"Have you ever heard of a planet called K'Tau?\"
FELGER: \"That wasn't your fault.\"
CARTER: \"I was the one who bypassed the dialing protocols that cause the wormhole
to pass through K'Tau's sun. The chain reaction that resulted could have led to the
deaths of everyone on that planet...\"
Jay starts flapping his hands in front of him, effectively interrupting her.
FELGER: \"That's it! That's it! That's it! Oh...even your mistakes are perfect.\"
CARTER: \"What are you talking about?\"
FELGER: \"You were able to bypass the security protocol because you created your own
dialing program...\"
CARTER: \"So?\"
FELGER: \"So, we can do that here. Instead of trying to tweak the DHD program back to
it's original form, why don't we just upload everything from our dialing computer?\"
CARTER: \"Our program is nowhere near as sophisticated as the one that exists in the
DHDs. It's completely jerry-rigged.\"
FELGER: \"It doesn't have to be perfect, as long as the coordinate system is accurate.
The DHD will automatically make all the necessary adjustments.\"
CARTER: \"How do you know that?\"
FELGER: \"Well, it's...okay, I don't. I don't. I don't. But the fact that Avenger triggered a
correlative update seems to indicate that the DHD program is adaptive by it's very
nature...and plus...we have nothing else.\" (He chuckles.) \"Trust me, Major, this is
gonna work.\"
Later, in the control room...
JACKSON: (Over MALP transmission, yelling to be heard) \"Yeah, sorry to rain on your
parade guys, but it didn't work.\"
It is raining very heavily where Daniel is. He is wearing rain gear and the MALP lens is
spotted with water drops.
FELGER: (turns to Sam) \"It should have worked.\"
JACKSON: \"We tried dialing Earth and the Alpha Site, but we couldn't get a lock.\"
FELGER: \"You know, maybe there's something wrong with the upload...\" (he moves
closer to Davis) \"...you can upload better, huh?\"
JACKSON: \"If you've got any other bright ideas, now would be a very good time.\"
HAMMOND: \"What's your status, Doctor?\"
JACKSON: \"Flood water's rising pretty fast and seismic activity is causing a lot of
rogue waves. We estimate that within 48 hours, the entire city will be under water.\"
FELGER: \"It should have worked!\"
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Scene: SGC - Briefing Room
HAMMOND: \"Have you and Dr. Felger made any progress?\"
CARTER: \"I can't find him.\"
HAMMOND: \"Excuse me?\"
CARTER: \"Apparently, Dr. Felger has left the base. I-I think the pressure was getting
to him.\"
HAMMOND: \"I thought you said all he needed was a little support...\"
CARTER: \"Yeah...I may have been wrong about that. Okay...I admit it. He's a complete
screw-up. He makes rash decisions based on sketchy evidence, he's clumsy in the
lab, he's always late and...quite frankly, it wouldn't kill him to ease up on the after-
shave, but the fact is, sir...he's at Stargate Command because he's a brilliant scientist.
And no one understands that virus better than he does...\"
HAMMOND: \"Then, I suggest you get him back.\"
CARTER: \"Yes, sir.\"
Scene: Earth
Felger is standing on a bridge over a lazy stream. He is tearing off pieces of bread
and throwing them into the stream. He watches as the current carries them
downstream.
Sam walks up and stands beside him. She is wearing civvies - denim pants and jacket,
baby blue t-shirt.
CARTER: \"Jay, what're you doing out here? We've got work to do.\"
FELGER: \"How did you find me here?\"
CARTER: \"I called your mother. She told me this is where you come when you need to
think.\"
FELGER: \"This is the very spot I was standing when I figured out how to recombine
epsilon particles in a sub-space matrix... Then I got mugged by some teenagers. Still,
it's a nice spot.\"
CARTER: \"What are you doing?\"
FELGER: \"Feeding the ducks.\"
Sam looks around and there are no ducks in sight.
CARTER: \"I need you to come back to Stargate Command.\"
FELGER: (again, a little chuckle) \"You know, before I joined SGC...my idea of a high-
pressure situation was defending a mathematical thesis in front of a room full of
balding, middle-aged men. I don't do so well when the fate of the universe is hanging
in the balance now.\"
CARTER: \"Jay, you designed the virus. You're the man for the job. Forget about the big
picture for a second. Forget about the consequences. Just focus on the problem. Why
didn't the upload work?\"
FELGER: \"I don't know. It should've. Every 'gate in the galaxy should be back on-line.
Except for P5S-117.\"
CARTER: \"What do you mean?\"
FELGER: \"Well, Avenger's resistant to that type of tampering, you know? And I didn't
think it made much difference since S-117 was sabotaged in the first place.\"
CARTER: \"Jay, what if the virus replicated itself and then traveled along with the new
coordinate system to the other DHDs?\"
FELGER: \"No, that's impossible. It wasn't designed to do that.\"
CARTER: \"Well, it wasn't designed to trigger a correlative update, either. You said it
yourself, Jay. The DHD program is adaptive.\"
Scene: SGC - Briefing Room
CARTER: \"Sir, we think we may have found a solution.\"
HAMMOND: \"Let's hear it.\"
Sam looks to Jay.
FELGER: \"Y-you want me to tell it?\"
CARTER: \"It's your project.\"
Felger, who has been pacing behind Hammond until now, takes a seat at the table
opposite Sam. He scoots closer to Hammond and leans in on the table, causing
Hammond to sit back.
FELGER: \"Well, General, we think we know why we were unable to upload a dialing
program into the 'gate system. It now looks as though the virus itself, somehow,
transmitted along with the new coordinate system to the entire DHD network.\"
HAMMOND: \"The virus is blocking the upload.\"
FELGER: \"That's right. That's right and we need to neutralize it first. But in order to do
that, we have to find it.\"
HAMMOND: \"I don't understand.\"
FELGER: \"W-w-well, uh, the truth is, uh, we don't know how the virus was transmitted.
If it piggybacked with the automatic correlative update, that means it's buried
somewhere within the dialing program itself. We're talking thousands of lines of
code...you know, it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack.\"
CARTER: \"But we do know that the virus exists within a very specific sub-routine of
the original target DHD on P5S-117. The catch is, in order to make this work, we have
to reboot the system which means removing the control crystal. Someone's going to
have to physically go to the planet, sir.\"
HAMMOND: \"P5S-117 is controlled by Ba'al.\"
CARTER: \"Yes, sir.\"
FELGER: \"General...\" (Felger stands and looks straight ahead.) \"I'd like to volunteer.\"
HAMMOND: \"Major Carter has the experience required for this mission.\"
FELGER: \"Oh, come on...I've got off-world experience. I battled the Goa'uld. I zatted a
Jaffa.\"
CARTER: \"Sir, maybe it would be better if we both went.\"
FELGER: \"Major Carter's right. Nobody knows more about Avenger than me.\"
Next, we see Jay packing duct tape into his very large pack. Chloe approaches.
CHLOE: \"Jay, this is crazy.\"
FELGER: \"Look, I caused this problem, I'm gonna fix it.\"
CHLOE: \"You're a research scientist, not a field operative.\"
FELGER: \"Did that stop me from infiltrating a Goa'uld mothership? I think not. Look,
they've already sent the MALP. The 'gates not even being guarded. Probably, because
it doesn't work any more, but don't worry about me.\"
He swings the pack onto his back, hitting Chloe in the process.
FELGER: \"I know what I'm doing, okay?\"
He starts to leave, but Chloe calls to him.
CHLOE: \"Jay...\" (she picks up a CD and puts it in his jacket pocket) \"...the anti-virus.\"
FELGER: \"Okay, yeah...yeah, yeah, I'm gonna need that. Alrighty.\"
He starts to leave again, but she grabs his arm and turns him back to her.
FELGER: \"What?\"
She grabs the lapels of his jacket and pulls him to her, kissing him.
FELGER: (stunned) \"What...what was that for?\"
CHLOE: \"Good luck.\"
FELGER: \"Oh...right.\"
Jay leaves, but not without a few backward glances. Chloe closes the door and smiles
as she goes about her work.
Scene: P5S-117
Sam and Jay walk down the steps from the DHD, weapons ready.
CARTER: \"All right, you get set up. I'll be back in a few minutes.\"
FELGER: \"Where're you going?\"
CARTER: \"I'm gonna to check out the area.\"
FELGER: \"Shouldn't we stick together? You know, in case you need back up or
something?\"
CARTER: \"I'll be fine.\"
FELGER: \"Okay...I'm good too.\"
He tells after her and she turns to give a \"shhh\" gesture. He then unhooks his
backpack and begins pulling out his equipment.
Meanwhile, back at the SGC, Jack is making another MALP report.
O'NEILL: \"The Jaffa landed the Alkesh and they're sending out search patrols. Teal'c
and I have organized the rebels for a counter attack.\"
HAMMOND: \"Be advised, Colonel. Major Carter has gone to P5S-117. She's attempting
to get the 'gate system back on line.\"
O'NEILL: \"That's occupied territory, sir.\"
HAMMOND: \"Yes, it is.\"
O'NEILL: \"What team did she take?\"
HAMMOND: \"Major Carter didn't want to risk stranding anyone else.\"
O'NEILL: \"She went alone?\"
HAMMOND: \"Not entirely...Dr. Felger's with her.\"
O'NEILL: \"I'm inspired with confidence.\"
Next we see the control crystal of the DHD on P5S-117. The camera pulls back to
reveal two cables attached to other crystals on the DHD. The cables are attached to
Felger's laptop. Carter rejoins him.
CARTER: \"There's no sign of any Jaffa activity in the area.\"
FELGER: (pointing to his laptop) \"I'm in. I'm in. Whoo...\" (chuckles) \"Just a sec, just a
sec...okay...something's wrong.\"
CARTER: \"What?\"
FELGER: \"This isn't Avenger. I mean, it's Avenger, but s-something's hinky. It's been
altered.\"
CARTER: \"Hinky?\"
FELGER: \"The point is, this isn't the program I wrote. I-it's been tampered with since it
was sent.\"
CARTER: \"Maybe it was Ba'al.\"
FELGER: \"Ba'al?\"
CARTER: \"Think about it. He stood the most to gain. He took your idea your idea to
bring down one 'gate and modified it to bring down the entire 'gate network, knowing
it would give him an advantage.\"
FELGER: \"Huh...well, that means none of this was my fault. I told you Avenger wasn't
designed to cause a correlative update.\"
CARTER: \"I wouldn't get too excited. It also means our anti-virus isn't going to work.\"
FELGER: \"That's right. It's designed for the original program.\"
CARTER: \"Which means that we are now stranded on a Goa'uld occupied world.\"
FELGER: \"So it's kind of a good news-bad news situation...\"
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Scene: P5S-117
Felger and Sam are still sitting near the DHD.
CARTER: \"The Jaffa probably aren't as protective of the 'gate as they once were, but
sooner or later, there's going to be a patrol. We have to do something.\"
FELGER: \"Well, I'm open to suggestions...\"
CARTER: \"You said the virus was modified, right? So all we need to do is modify the
anti-virus to match it.\"
FELGER: \"Okay, go for it.\"
He starts to hand his laptop to Sam.
CARTER: \"I was hoping you could handle it.\"
Sam gets up and starts walking again.
FELGER: \"Oh, I was afraid you were going to say that.\"
CARTER: \"You wanna do this instead?\" (she waves her weapon)
FELGER: \"Do you know how many variations I went through before I got the anti-virus
right? And that was when I knew what I was up against. This could take days.\"
CARTER: \"Well, then you'd better get started.\"
FELGER: (after some frustrated silent release) \"Yep...oh, yeah...\"
Meanwhile, back at the SGC, Daniel is checking in again. The weather has not
improved.
JACKSON: (still shouting) \"Still no word from Sam?\"
HAMMOND: \"To be honest...we should've heard back by now.\"
JACKSON: \"Well, we're gonna have to abandon the Stargate and move to higher
ground.\"
HAMMOND: \"Very well. Good luck, Dr. Jackson.\"
Back on P5S-117 Sam returns from another patrol.
CARTER: \"How's it coming?\"
FELGER: \"We're getting there. It's pretty cool, isn't it? You and I working together?
We're sort of like the intellectual Butch and Sundance of the SGC.\"
CARTER: \"Butch and Sundance got cornered and killed by the Bolivian army.\"
FELGER: \"Yeah...that's a good point, yeah.\"
Suddenly, Sam sees Jaff entering the clearing in front of her. She pulls Felger down
with her behind some stones.
FELGER: (still holding the laptop) \"What? What? What? What?\"
CARTER: \"We got trouble.\"
FELGER: \"Wh-what kind of trouble? What?\"
CARTER: \"Think Bolivia.\"
FELGER: \"Ah...Jaffa.\"
Two Jaffa are all that are visible, but they are advancing toward the DHD.
CARTER: \"They've made our position. Keep working.\"
She gets up and move further forward, still ducking behind stones. She starts firing
and takes out one of the Jaffa. The other returns staff fire.
FELGER: \"Oh...\"
The fight continues and soon we see a whole bunch of Jaffa entering the clearing. It
looks pretty back for Sam and Jay. Staff blasts are landing all around them.
FELGER: \"Concentrate, Jay...concentrate. Just background noise.\"
Sam continues to shoot. She takes out another couple of Jaffa and them dumps a clip.
Sam and Jay are quickly being surrounded.
CARTER: \"How's it coming?\"
FELGER: \"I'm feeling a little rushed. There's not enough time. There's not enough
time.\"
Sam falls back to Felger's position again. She keeps fighting, but it's looking bad.
Then, the sound of a ship approaching can be hear. Sam and Jay look up to see and
Alkesh hovering over the them. The weapons array moves and then turns to fire on
the Jaffa. The blasts soon have the Jaffa dead or retreating. The Alkesh descends even
lower over Samd and Jay.
FELGER: (Ducking and covering his head - okay...cowering) \"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
Whoa\"
Seconds later, the rings activate and Sam raises her weapon. Jack and Teal'c ring out
of the ship.
FELGER: \"O'Neill. Look, it's Colonel O'Neill! Thank God!\" (Felger runs up and grabs
Jack, hugging him.) \"Oh, Colonel O'Neill, you wouldn't believe, you would not...thank
God it's you...\"
O'NEILL: (fighting him off with Felger's hat) \"Felger...Felger. Felger!\" (Felger lets go
and takes his hat.) \"What did I say about touching?\"
FELGER: \"Absolutely, absolutely, it's just that we were over there, you know, and then
they came...everywhere...and th-those guys...then you...over there...\" (Felger is
gesturing wildly and Jack is trying to get him to calm down.) \"...but now you're here.
Now you're here.\" (whispering) \"Nice one.\"
CARTER: (looking up) \"How'd you manage this one, sir?\"
O'NEILL: \"We got tired of waiting.\"
Felger starts to hug Jack again, but the sound Jack makes and the stance he takes
makes Felger stop mid-action.
Scene: SGC - 'Gate Room
Sam and Jay walk through the 'gate and down the ramp. Hammond greets them at the
bottom of the ramp.
HAMMOND: \"Major, Doctor, welcome back.\"
CARTER: \"Sir.\"
HAMMOND: (to Felger) \"I trust the solution you came up with is of a permanent
nature?\"
FELGER: \"Oh, yes, yes...not to worry, General. I've modified the anti-virus, you know,
specifically to target and neutralize the altered version of Avenger. But I've also added
a little patch, you know, just to ensure that no one will ever...\"
CARTER: (cutting him off) \"The problem is solved, sir...permanently.\"
HAMMOND: \"Dr. Jackson managed to get the remaining inhabitants of 997 through to
the Alpha Site.\"
CARTER: \"Good to hear it, sir.\"
HAMMOND: \"What about Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c?\"
CARTER: \"They found an alternate means of transport. I promised the Colonel I
wouldn't say anything...want's it to be a surprise.\"
Hammond nods slightly.
Scene: Felger's Lab
Jay and Chloe are kissing. Jay is wearing his lab coat, but uncharacteristically, Chloe is
wearing a somewhat frilly white top this time.
CHLOE: (between kisses) \"I was so worried about you.\"
FELGER: (also between kisses) \"It was no big deal.\"
CHLOE (continuing the pattern) \"Those Jaffa...they could have killed you.\"
FELGER: (scoffs) \"Not a chance, Baby.\"
Jay sweeps his hand across the table behind him, knocking stuff to the floor. Then he
pick Chloe up and sits her on the counter before laying her back and staring with the
kissing again. Seconds later, Sam and Jack walk in.
CARTER: (stunned) \"What is this?\"
FELGER: (looks up) \"Oh...\" (He pulls Chloe back up and she stands on the floor again.)
\"Hi, guys.\" (he chuckles) \"I know, we're not really supposed to be...fraternizing, but,
hey...\"
CARTER: (upset) \"I turn my back for two seconds and you take up with this...trollop?\"
FELGER: \"Oooh...\" He puts his hands up as Chloe begins moving toward Sam.
CHLOE: \"Don't blame me just because you were never woman enough to satisfy him.\"
CARTER: (raises brows) \"Ohhh...\" (Sam whips off the green duty shirt she's been
wearing and reveals a rather low-cut, scoop neck version of the black t-shirt she
usually wears) \"That's it.\"
Sam moves rapidly toward Chloe and Jack moves closer to Felger. Sam grabs Chloe
around the neck and they both go down amid grunts. We can hear them grunting as
they struggle, but we can only see Jack and Jay as they sit at the table and watch.
FELGER: (chuckles) \"Whoa...ladies, please, no this isn't really necessary...\"
O'NEILL: (cuts him off by putting his hand on Felger's for a second) \"Shhhh! Don't
talk.\"
Then in the distance we can hear Chloe calling as the camera zooms in on Jay's
smiling face.
CHLOE: \"Jay...Jay?\" (we see her finger poke him in the cheek just the way Coombs did
in The Other Guys) \"Jay...\"
FELGER: \"What? What?\" (He has returned from dreamland.)
CHLOE: \"What were you thinking about?\"
FELGER: (chuckles) \"Nothing.\"
END CREDITS
